A Seemingly Simple Game
by Sarah1281
Summary: Faced with nothing better to do, the Trio break out Monopoly. Complicated by the fact that Ron's never played before and this IS Hogwarts, the game somehow becomes rife with outrageous corruption, lousy service, and jail time for minor traffic violations
1. Monopoly

A Seemingly Simple Game

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Note: Based on a Monopoly game I played with two friends last week. I'm not admitting which one of the three parts similar to how I played... Brief mention of a board game character's suicide (not any of the Harry Potter characters).

It was surprisingly dull in the Common Room that Thursday afternoon. For once, not even Hermione could find any homework to do and no self-respecting teenager would go to bed at _that_ hour. As of fifteen minutes ago, Harry, Ron, and Hermione had been reduced to just staring at each other waiting for something to happen when Ron had an idea.

"Hey, remember that one thing you were telling me about last summer?" he asked, a spark of life in his eyes as he turned to Hermione.

"I might," Hermione replied. "Could you be a bit more specific?"

"You were talking about all those bored games you always take to Hogwarts but never get to use because we're always so busy," Ron told her.

"Board games?" Harry repeated.

Ron nodded. "Yeah, bored games. Games you play when you're bored. It's a Muggle thing, I think. You've never heard of them?"

"No, I have," Harry replied. "I just haven't gotten a chance to in…well, it's been awhile. I used to play them sometimes when we had free time in class or during break."

"Well, I did bring some board games with me," Hermione told them. "I have some two-person games but those are obviously out. I have Cluedo, Monopoly, Scrabble, and Life."

"I have never heard of any of those," Ron announced.

"Well, Cluedo is a mystery game," Hermione explained. "We each pick one of six characters to be the guest of Dr. Black. He is murdered by one of us before the game starts and we have to investigate and figure out who killed him, with which of six weapons, and in which room."

"That doesn't make any sense," Ron protested. "Wouldn't we know where he was killed when we found the body? And what killed him? If this is a Muggle bored game then I'm guessing they aren't using wands."

"Well…I guess the body could have been moved," Hermione said lamely. "And for some of those weapons you're right but if you get hit over the head with the pipe or the candlestick I think the wound would look about the same."

"Then that already narrows it down and we're being held back for no apparent reason," Ron complained. "Are we not allowed to see the body or something? And why are we investigating anyway? Shouldn't the Muggle Aurors be looking into it?"

"It's just a game, Ron," Harry told him, shaking his head. "Still, I think it's best when you have all six players. Also, if you think that I'm playing Scrabble with you then you've got another thing coming."

"I don't know what you mean," Hermione said innocently.

"What's wrong with this 'Scrabble'?" Ron wanted to know.

"It's a word game," Harry explained. "Basically, Hermione would win every time because she's got the biggest vocabulary."

Ron made a face. "Yeah, pass. How about 'Life'?"

"You off at the beginning of your adult life and use a spinner to determine where you move to and what ends up happening to you. You could go to university, get married, have kids…the goal is to make the most money by the time you're done with it," Hermione explained.

Ron looked decidedly unimpressed. "So basically you're pretending to actually go through life? That's really, really weird. Why not just go through life?"

"There's always Monopoly," Harry pointed out. "Basically, you get a lot of money and move around the board buying properties and paying other people to use the properties that they own. The goal of that game is to buy up everything you can so you can take everyone else's money."

Ron thought about it for a minute. "That sounds okay, I guess. But why is it called 'monopoly'?"

* * *

"I am not the banker," Hermione announced. "I'm always the banker."

"Well I don't like being the banker either," Harry told her.

Ron held his hands up. "Well don't look at me! I don't even know how to play this game."

Harry sighed. "He's got a point." He and Hermione immediately engaged in a brief staring contest. "Oh, fine. I'll be the banker. But I'm not happy about this."

"Everyone starts off the game with two five hundred pound notes, two one hundred pound notes, six fifty pound notes, six twenty pound notes, five five pound notes, and five one pound notes," Hermione explained as Harry passed the money around.

"Um, Hermione?" Ron asked, looking panicked. "I don't actually know anything about Muggle money. That is Muggle money, right?"

Hermione nodded. "Don't worry. You don't need to understand Muggle money to play this game because it's all in pounds. You can just pretend it's all in Galleons if that will make it easier."

"We each need a token to represent ourselves," Harry took over the explanation. "I am taking the iron because I'm always the iron."

"I'm taking the dog for the same reason," Hermione said, picking up her piece and placing it on Go.

"I'll pick…uh, this one," Ron said, picking up the thimble.

"Oh, I should have picked the Dalek!" Harry said, wincing.

"It's not a Dalek, Harry, it's a thimble," Hermione corrected.

"But it _looks_ like a Dalek," Harry protested.

"What's a Dalek?" Ron asked, looking confused.

"Only the most lethal creature in the universe," Harry said seriously. "You're probably safer not knowing. Not that that will save you."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about it, Ron."

For his part, Ron did not look at all reassured. "But Harry just said that it could _kill_ me!"

"Daleks aren't real," Hermione explained patiently.

Harry waited until Hermione wasn't looking before mouthing 'absolutely real' at Ron.

"We have to roll the dice to see who goes first," Hermione said, taking a pair of dice out of the game box and rolling them. She got a seven. Ron rolled next and got a four and Harry was the last with a two.

"Well that's a nice start," Harry deadpanned.

Hermione rolled a three and landed on Whitechapel Road. "I'll pass."

"But why?" Ron asked, confused. "It's only sixty Galleons. It's the cheapest thing on the board."

"I never buy anything below the pink squares," Hermione explained. "It's not very expensive but the rent isn't worth it at all."

Harry squinted at the board. "I'd say it's really more magenta than pink."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "Are we really going to do this, Harry?"

Harry looked tempted to tell her that yes, yes they were (no doubt in retaliation for all the times she got pedantic on them) but shook his head instead. "I guess not." He examined the Whitechapel card. "It says here that the rent for Whitechapel is only two pounds. You have to own all properties of a color before you can start building houses – which increase the rent – and you have to have four houses on a property before you can build a hotel."

"I thought you had to have four houses on _each_ property," Hermione told him.

Harry shrugged. "That's how I've always played it. And be honest, if we're going to demand four houses on each property are we ever going to get _any_ hotels?"

"You might have a point," Hermione conceded.

They played mostly in silence (aside from the obligatory game-related dialogue about purchasing properties) for awhile as they began to build up their separate basis' of support.

"I just don't understand why it's twenty-five Galleons to ride Harry's train but fifty Galleons to ride one of Hermione's," Ron objected. "What, is she selling tickets to get on and off the train?"

"I wouldn't put it past her," Harry said seriously.

"Oh, I am not," Hermione disagreed.

"Then you're just cornering the market," Harry concluded. "Ron, we hold-outs have to stick together."

"Sure thing, Harry," Ron said, passing him the dice.

"I don't understand why I'm visiting jail," Harry complained. "I don't even know anybody there and I don't feel safe."

Hermione's next roll sent her to jail. "Well I'd say that you could be visiting me except you showed up before I did."

"So I got to watch you get booked?" Harry asked delightedly. "Wonderful. I hope I took pictures. What are you in for?"

"Jaywalking," Hermione replied primly.

"What's that?" Harry asked, nonplussed. "Some sort of violent murder?"

Hermione shook her head. "Of course not! It's a minor traffic violation where someone, namely me, crossed a motorway."

"That was stupid," Harry told her.

"At least it wasn't tax evasion," Hermione countered.

"What's a motorway?" Ron wondered.

"It's a street with a lot of traffic moving very, very quickly," Hermione explained. "Slow moving vehicles aren't allowed on it either."

"Maybe I did come because of you," Harry said suddenly.

Hermione frowned. "I don't see how you could. It's not like I _planned_ to jaywalk or announced my intention to do so to the world."

Harry shot her a pointed look and smirked.

Hermione's eyes widened. "Oh _no_. No, no, no. Absolutely not."

"What?" Ron asked eagerly.

"Thanks to my studies in the ancient art of Divination, I was able to divine that Hermione was going to be arrested and so showed up in advance to point and laugh. I mean, for moral support," Harry revealed.

"NO," Hermione said firmly.

"Can you think of any other explanation?" Harry challenged.

"It was a complete and total coincidence," Hermione insisted.

"Yeah, because I'm sure that the papers will buy that," Harry scoffed.

Hermione rolled her eyes but didn't comment. "Well, I won't be in here for long. It's only three turns or until I roll doubles."

"But how long is a turn in here, anyway?" Ron wondered. "I mean, it could be a day or a week or even a year. I think three years in Muggle Azkaban is a little much."

"I think that any jail time for jaywalking is a little much," Hermione replied. "I must be a repeat offender or something."

"She lives life on the edge," Harry said sarcastically. "And always when a police car is right there."

"Why do you get out early if you roll a double?" Ron wanted to know.

"It could be parole," Hermione offered.

Harry shook his head. "Not for a jaywalking sentence, you wouldn't be in jail nearly that long. I'm thinking bribes."

"I landed on free parking!" Ron exclaimed. "Success!" Happily, he pulled out all of the money that they had had to pay that had been stuffed half-way under the board. He paused. "Why does getting free parking get me all this money? I mean, parking can't be _that_ expensive, right? This is more than some of the properties."

"Obviously, you carjacked someone," Harry told him. Anticipating Ron's confusion, he quickly clarified, "You stole someone's car."

"Well that wasn't very nice of me," Ron said, frowning. He shrugged. "Oh, well. I'm rich! I'm rich!"

"Well, _richer_," Hermione corrected. "I think that I've actually got the most money."

"But you hardly have any properties," Harry pointed out. "I think Ron has the most properties though I have some ones that are worth more."

"Do you want to trade properties, Ron?" Hermione offered. "I have Electric Company I'll give you for Fenchurch Street station or I'll give you Liverpool Street station or King's Cross station for Water Works."

Ron hesitated. "Hm…while I _would_ like to get King's Cross station because that's the only thing on this entire board that I've actually heard of, that would only give me two railroads out of four and I could get both of the utilities. I'll go with that."

Hermione accepted his railroad card with joy. "That's three down, one to go."

"Well you can forget about getting your hands on the Marylebone station," Harry said flatly. "And Ron, what did I _just_ say about not giving Hermione your railroad?"

"I don't know," Ron admitted. "I wasn't really listening; I was trying to see what I needed to roll to land on free parking."

Hermione blinked. "Ron, are you telling me that you were cheating?"

"I would take your outrage a little more seriously if you weren't in Muggle Azkaban," Ron told her frankly.

"Well I just left it so tell _me_," Harry instructed.

"No, I'm not. If I were then I wouldn't keep rolling really small numbers while you two are getting halfway across the board with one roll," Ron replied.

"The board is ten squares across each way so it's more a quarter across the entire board," Hermione corrected.

Ron ignored her. "You're lucky that I'm not cheating, though, because you two aren't paying the slightest bit of attention to my rolls."

"We trust you," Harry said magnanimously.

Ron snorted. "Hermione doesn't. She hid what she was doing when I first came down here."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hermione lied.

"I think you might not be rolling the dice right," Harry offered.

"How can I be rolling the dice wrong?" Ron demanded. "I just have to drop it."

"But you keep making these really lousy rolls," Harry pointed out.

"Clearly the game just hates me," Ron said matter-of-factly.

"Ron, games can't-" Hermione started to say before cutting herself off. "_Muggle_ games can't hate you."

"Well clearly this one does," Ron said stubbornly.

"I'm going to buy two houses for Fleet Street. Man, I really want to land on Regent Street," Harry murmured.

"How come?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"Because I really don't want you to get a monopoly on them and you already have the other two," Harry admitted freely.

"Harry! What kind of friend are you?" Ron demanded.

"The kind who doesn't want you to get a monopoly on the second-biggest color in the game," Harry replied matter-of-factly. "God knows that Hermione won't give me Mayfair and I'm not about to hand over Park Lane no matter what the offer is."

"That does sound about right," Hermione agreed.

"I do want either Marlborough Street or Oxford Street, though, and I'd give you a lot to get them," Harry offered Ron.

Ron scowled. "What, so you want a monopoly on orange or to even further stop me from getting a green one?"

Harry shook his head. "No, actually. Hermione just keeps landing on those two and I want them."

"But the rent really isn't all that much," Ron reminded him.

"Oh, I know," Harry acknowledged. "It's more the principle of the thing. And that reminds me…the bank is running out of hundreds so can you two trade in some of yours for some five hundred pound notes?"

"What happens if we bankrupt the bank?" Ron wondered. "Would we win then?"

"No one wins when there's a bank run," Hermione said grimly. "And according to the rules, the bank is authorized to start printing up its own money."

"You're making this up," Harry accused.

"I'm not, really!" Hermione insisted. "My parents and I used to play all the time and those games could go on _forever_!"

"I think I'd like to buy some houses," Ron announced. "I'd like… one for Pall Mall, one for Whitehall, two for Northumberland Avenue, one for Marlborough Street, and one for Oxford Street."

Hermione and Harry exchanged startled looks as Ron counted out his money and began to hand it over.

"Are you…_absolutely sure_ about this?" Hermione asked him hesitantly.

"Of course I am. Why not?" Ron asked, puzzled. "This way I'll make more money on the rent, right?"

"Well…" Hermione trailed off, trying to phrase it delicately. "It just seems that you're using up most of your money now and it's not even increasing the rent by all that much."

"I thought about that," Ron conceded. "But I could only get one hotel even if I spent all of my money and it just seems so unlikely that people would land on it."

"But what if you land on something expensive and don't have the money?" Hermione pressed.

"I'll pass go soon enough," Ron assured her. "Relax, I know what I'm doing."

"You heard the man," Harry said cheerfully.

"This is a bad idea," Hermione murmured, shaking her head.

Instead of passing Go, Ron landed on Park Lane. He made a face as he handed over the thirty-five pounds. "Your service was terrible."

"It was not!" Harry exclaimed, affronted.

Ron nodded seriously. "It really was. There wasn't even anywhere to stay. I had to sleep outside. I'm not even sure why I couldn't do that somewhere that wasn't going to charge me!"

"Look, you get the service that you pay for," Harry sniffed.

"I at _least_ paid for a tent!" Ron argued.

"Not in today's economy," Harry disagreed. He landed on income tax. "So that's ten percent of my money or two hundred pounds. Until I have two thousand pounds, the ten percent is always going to be cheaper…"

Hermione ended up on Fleet Street. "I would also like to report that the service is terrible. I mean, I may have a roof over my head but it leaks and I'm pretty sure I saw a roach. And the heater's broken."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Harry apologized. "What room did you say you were staying in?"

"Um," Hermione floundered for a moment but quickly recovered. "Room 360."

"Ah, we do not actually _have_ a room 360," Harry said triumphantly. He turned to Ron. "You're new to all of this so pay attention: sometimes the customer's complaint isn't actually genuine. I should really sue for slander."

"I didn't press charges," Hermione countered.

"Good. Make sure you don't," Harry ordered.

"Are you threatening me?" Hermione demanded.

"No, merely offering you some legal advice," Harry responded. "Which, come to think of it, I really should be charging for…"

Ron passed go only to land on the income tax again, followed by chance which demanded maintenance money, Marylebone station, Vine Street, Fleet Street, and then off to jail.

"Okay, I think maybe the game really does hate you," Hermione admitted.

"Hey, he's the one who chose to break the law," Harry said sanctimoniously.

"Harry, you've been to jail five times," Hermione pointed out.

"Yes, well, you don't see me complaining, do you?" Harry asked rhetorically. By this point, it was clear that he was steadily pulling ahead of Hermione and poor Ron wasn't even worth considering. "Oh look, jail again. Ah, well."

"What are you in jail for? Kicking puppies?" Ron asked, a little bitterly.

"Scalping widows, actually," Harry said flippantly.

"We really hope that you end up getting the free parking," Hermione said sincerely. "You really need it."

Harry grinned. "Maybe _you_ hope that. I, however, see no need to encourage crime within the community. And…I'm out of jail."

"Well fine, _I_ hope that," Hermione told him. When she placed her dog down on Community Chest, she found out she had hospital bills.

"It must be for the dog you just killed," Ron remarked.

"I didn't kill him!" Hermione said, quickly standing her piece back up. "He's just sleeping."

"Yeah, when your parents told you that about your pet rabbit when you were five it wasn't true then, either," Ron told her apologetically. "I just feel that it's time you knew the truth."

Harry landed on the free parking. "Success!"

"Oh, so it's perfectly alright for _you_ to carjack someone," Hermione said sarcastically.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Harry said virtuously. "I was just being industrious."

"By parking a car for free? That sounds more like freeloading," Hermione said flatly.

"Just because you're not half the businessman I am doesn't mean you need to judge," Harry sniffed.

"Next time you go to jail, make it for arson," Ron advised, nodding Harry's way. "I know that that's what I intend to do." He landed on Liverpool station.

Hermione winced. "I am _so_ sorry about that, Ron."

"I can't pay this," Ron said, horrified. "What do I do? Does this mean I lose?"

"No, it means you have to mortgage one of your properties or sell it back to the bank," Hermione explained. "Mortgaging it means you get half the value you paid for it but no one else can buy it. You won't make any money off of it but when you can repay the mortgage you get it back. Selling it means any of us can buy it."

Ron frowned and considered what he had and what people weren't often landing on. "I'll mortgage Leicester Square," he said finally, turning it over and handing more than half of the money he received over to Hermione.

When he landed on Super Tax he cringed. "Oh, come on! I can barely afford to feed myself! What kind of luxury am I getting?"

"I think a Super Tax is a tax on all incomes above a certain level," Harry corrected him.

"Well considering I lack the money to feed myself, that can't be it," Ron told him. "Maybe I look at my misfortune and blow my money on lots of alcohol…"

Ron glanced up to see Harry taking money from the bank. "How corrupt _are_ you?" he demanded, stunned. "Now you're just outright embezzling?"

"I am not!" Harry swore. "I'm just exchanging some of my smaller bills for larger bills."

"I'm watching you," Ron said warningly.

"I feel like I'm watching a train wreck," Hermione said, a little uncomfortably.

"Hey, he's the one who won't get rid of his houses," Harry pointed out.

Ron landed on Park Lane again. "How do you sleep at night?"

"Far more comfortably than you do, I imagine," Harry returned blithely. "_Some of us_ can afford heating."

"I'll have to mortgage something else," Ron said morosely.

"Tell you what, you just give me Marlborough Street and we'll call it even," Harry offered.

Ron hesitated because he'd actually have to pay more for staying at Park Lane than Marlborough Street was worth. In the end, his pride won out. "Never!"

Harry shrugged. "Suit yourself. I was _trying _to help."

"Why do I keep staying in expensive hotels when I have no money?" Ron moaned.

"Perhaps you're just _really_ bad with money," Hermione suggested. "Or trying to keep up appearances."

"There aren't many appearances to keep up now," Ron assured her.

"Bad with money it is, then," Hermione decided.

"What kind of luxuries do you get?" Ron asked after Harry landed on Super Tax.

"The tears of orphaned children," Harry replied promptly.

"You are a horrible person and you're going to die alone surrounded by money," Ron predicted.

Hermione groaned. "Oh, not you too!"

"I can live with that," Harry said dismissively.

Ron landed on the income tax. "Do we _have_ to count the two hundred Galleons I'm collecting for passing go right now? I mean, can't I get that after taxes?"

"Sorry, Ron, that's not how the game works," Hermione replied, sounding very sorry indeed.

"So ten percent works out to…twenty one Galleons," Ron announced. "This is embarrassing."

"You know, no one's landed on free parking for awhile," Hermione noted. "There is a _lot_ of money there."

"My Christmas…something or other…has matured and I have a hundred more Galleons!" Ron said delightedly. "Maybe all is not lost!"

"That's the spirit," Hermione encouraged.

"…I can't pay this," Ron said, shaking his head, as he landed on Harry's hotel. "I quit."

"You seriously quit?" Hermione asked. "Your properties would go back to the bank in that case."

"I'd have to mortgage everything and I still don't think that would be enough," Ron said miserably. "My character just killed himself in the room."

"Ron!" Hermione cried, horrified. "You can't just do that! That's horrible!"

"Well it's a little late, now," Ron told her, backing up a little.

Harry picked up Ron's money and cards while Hermione cleared away his houses.

"Terrible business, that," Harry declared. "I better not get sued."

"You're completely heartless," Ron complained. "I'm dead and you're worried about money!"

"I'm not entirely sure it's healthy to be hearing the dead speak," Hermione said worriedly.

"Now it's just the two of us," Harry told her.

"Avenge me!" Ron implored Hermione.

"But…you weren't actually murdered," Hermione pointed out.

"I blame Harry!" Ron told her.

"It was really a combination of bad luck and your own beginners mistakes," Hermione pointed out.

"Does that mean you won't help?" Ron demanded. "Harry would have helped."

"Since you want vengeance against _him_…I kind of doubt it," Hermione said flatly.

"I would certainly take it under consideration," Harry promised.

Ron frowned thoughtfully. "I just can't do it," he said finally. "I can't ask Harry for help seeking vengeance against himself. Even though I know that he'd do it because he's a much better friend than you are, Hermione, it just wouldn't feel right."

Harry beamed at that. "Hey, do you want Whitehall now that it's open again?"

Hermione shook her head. "No thanks. It's really not worth all that much."

Ron's jaw dropped. "This is insulting."

"What's insulting?" Harry asked absently.

"You don't even want the property that cost me my life!" Ron complained.

"I'm sorry," Hermione said, looking vaguely guilty. "It's just…not worth very much and Harry and I are really getting serious here."

"Oh, and it wasn't serious when I was playing?" Ron demanded.

"Um…" Hermione trailed off.

"Not strictly true, by the way," Harry spoke up. "I did buy Bond Street now that it's open."

"That doesn't help!" Ron cried.

"This really doesn't seem very fair," Harry protested. "First you're upset we don't want your former property and then you're upset when we do. It's not _our_ fault that it's open now."

"It is _so_ your fault! I bet you controlled the dice or something!" Ron accused. "I bet you sold my story to some agency and made a fortune in novel sales."

"Brilliant idea!" Harry exclaimed.

Ron groaned. "Don't tell me that I _inspired_ you!"

"You didn't," Harry assured him. "I had already done just that. I just still think it's a brilliant idea."

"Do you even know how I died?" Ron inquired.

"…I didn't want to tarnish my memory of you by seeing you that way," Harry said lamely.

"I'm sorry Harry," Hermione said finally. "But I think I'm going to need to pull a Ron. There's no way I'm going to be able to win."

"But no one's gotten free parking yet!" Harry protested. "I'll tell you what, how about we just keep trying to get to free parking and then we end the game. I'll overlook rent on everything but the hotels."

"You have a _lot_ of hotels," Hermione said doubtfully.

"I only have four," Harry said as if it were nothing. "Statistically speaking, you have a much greater chance of _not_ landing on them."

Hermione sighed. "Oh, fine."

"So…you were found just in time and either interrupted or resuscitated?" Ron guessed.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Let it go."

"Do you even know how she was going to end it?" Ron directed his question at Harry.

"I didn't want to tarnish my memory of her, either," Harry claimed.

Ron watched quietly for awhile as Harry and Hermione consistently failed to land on free parking. "Hey, Hermione, you know how we've long been aware of how corrupt Harry's become?"

"Yes…" she said slowly, not sure where he was going with this.

"Well, I really have to wonder what kind of things _you're_ getting away with while we're distracted by what Harry's up to?" he asked reasonably.

Harry froze and stared at Hermione. "That's…actually a very good question."

Hermione smiled a positively evil smile.

"All that 'inherited money' you kept getting…I bet you keep killing your relatives!" Ron accused.

"Yes, Ron, you've discovered my nefarious plot," Hermione said dryly. "I'm actually with the mafia."

"I feel so disillusioned," Ron moaned. "Isn't there anybody that I can trust?"

"Not in this town," Harry replied, clearly shaken by this revelation. "And I was having fun being the corrupt one…"

"You _are_ the corrupt one," Hermione insisted.

"Got it!" Harry cheered once he landed on the free parking.

"I wonder how much was down there," Hermione mused.

Harry quickly began to count it. "One thousand four hundred and ninety-two pounds."

Hermione whistled.

"Of course, I've got to have at least three thousand pounds myself," Harry continued. "Compared to Ron's dead-ness and your considerably less than three thousand pounds, I guess that makes me the winner. Who wants to play again?"

Ron stood up and started backing away. "_Oh_ no. I am _never_ playing that game with you ever again! There is something seriously wrong with either you or that game and you're my best friend so I'm going to say it's the game."

"We could always play one of the other games," Hermione suggested.

"Like what? Cluedo? Easy answer: if Harry didn't kill whoever it was himself then he hired someone to do it. Life? Harry will have us assassinated. There's no reasoning with him!" Ron burst out.

"Hey," Harry said, mildly annoyed. "I thought you said you _weren't_ blaming me."

Ron drew back, surprised. "I'm not."

"I really don't want to see what it looks like when you _do_ then," Harry muttered.

"There's always Scr-" Hermione started to say.

"It's just never going to happen, Hermione," Harry cut her off.

"Hey, I know!" Ron exclaimed suddenly. "Let's play Quidditch!"

"Brilliant!" Harry declared, jumping up. "Race you!"

As they ran off, Hermione rolled her eyes and began cleaning up the board. She still didn't have any work to be doing so she'd probably just end up going to the library or something.

She wished, not for the first time, that Hogwarts was capable of electricity. But then, given how board games were apparently beyond the grasp of wizards that would probably be a disaster of epic proportions.

Review Please!


	2. Life

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Note: So a few weeks later the three of us and another person ended up playing Life and it was no less of an interesting experience than Monopoly was. I wonder what normal board games are like…

Ginny entered the Common Room just in time to see Ron wince in despair and cry out, "Alright, fine, I'll do it!"

Confused, she headed over to see what her brother was up to now. If the look on Harry and Hermione's faces were any indication, they didn't have any more of an idea than she did.

"That's…good," Hermione said uncertainly. "Harry, what is he talking about?"

"I have no idea," Harry replied. He glanced up. "Ginny, you're his sister! Do you know?"

"I just got here," Ginny said flatly.

"That's a no then?" Harry sounded disappointed. "I thought siblings were supposed to be able to read each other's minds."

"That's twins," Hermione corrected. "And that's hardly very scientific anyway."

"Well neither is magic," Harry pointed out.

"You know, you could just _ask_ me," Ron suggested helpfully.

"Of course," Hermione said, nodding. "Ron, what are you talking about?"

"You know how I said that I would never ever under any circumstances _ever_ play another board game with Harry?" Ron asked rhetorically.

"Vaguely," Harry agreed.

"Well I'm just so bored that I think I'm going to have to play one anyway," Ron complained. "But _not_ Monopoly again. I still haven't recovered from the last time."

"What happened the last time?" Ginny inquired.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Don't ask."

"Well if you don't want to play Monopoly then what do you want to play?" Harry asked. "We agreed on never playing Scrabble with Hermione and you seemed a bit…concerned that I would be the killer in the other games. Including the games that didn't actually have a killer."

Ron waved the reminder of his past conviction off. "I still can't suspend my disbelief far enough to play Cluedo but why not Life? It could be fun and if not then at least it'll kill some time."

"There's a game called Life?" Ginny asked blankly.

Hermione nodded. "Do you know anything about board games?"

Ginny shook her head.

"Well you can play with us anyway if you like," Hermione invited. "I'll go grab the game while Harry can explain the rules to you and Ron."

"Hermione!" Ron cried out, alarmed. "Are you sure that you trust him to-"

"This isn't going to work if you can't trust him to explain the rules of the game to you," Hermione cut him off.

Ron looked like he was going to protest for a moment before sighing. "Fine…"

* * *

"The first thing to do is to choose your gender," Hermione began. "I'm going to be a girl. I would assume that you all would like to be your genders as well but it's up to you."

"That sounds like a good idea," Harry agreed. "I'll be a boy."

"So will I," Ginny announced.

Harry gave her a strange look. "Really? Why?"

"Why _not_?" Ginny countered.

"I'm going to be a girl," Ron declared. "But unlike Ginny I actually have a reason."

"This should be good," Ginny murmured.

"I don't want any children," Ron informed them. "And if I marry a girl then there's absolutely no way that I will have them."

"The game doesn't actually work like that, Ron," Hermione said hesitantly.

"That's not very life-like," Ron complained, crossing his arms. "And I won't be having any children unless my wife cheats on me."

"Or you cheat on your wife," Harry pointed out.

"Why would I cheat on my wife?" Ron asked, looking confused. "I really don't want kids. That's why I have a wife in the first place."

Hermione shook her head. "Oh, never mind. The next thing we need to decide is who's going to university and who isn't."

"What's the difference?" Ginny wondered.

"If you go to university then you don't start work immediately but you get three career options and salary cards to choose from and you get access to all the careers because some of them require a degree," Hermione explained.

"Well I guess the salary is more important than the actual job and that won't change," Ginny mused. "I think I'd like to just start work immediately and get a head-start on the salary."

"Okay," Hermione said, picking up the career cards. She shuffled them and held them out for Ginny to pick one and then did the same thing with the salary cards.

"I am going to be a salesperson at 30,000…dollars. Is that a lot?" Ginny wondered.

"Just think of them as galleons," Ron advised wisely.

Ginny's eyes widened. "That is most definitely a lot! I must own a business or something. And a pretty successful one, too."

"And that's actually one of the lower salaries," Harry said, amused.

The other three elected to go to university so Hermione passed out the 40,000 dollars of student debt.

"This is ridiculous," Harry complained. "40,000? Really? Shouldn't the government pay for some of this?"

"Not in America," Hermione replied. "They would call that socialism."

"But it's _40,000 dollars_," Harry protested. "Who wouldn't want to not have to pay 40,000 dollars?"

Hermione shrugged. "Don't ask me; I'm not American. And it's 50,000 by the time you pay it back."

Harry groaned and spun the wheel.

Ron was surprisingly the first to graduate. "This means I'm winning, right?"

"I'm already in the work force," Ginny pointed out.

"So? It took you an entire turn to deal with a flat tire," Ron countered. "That doesn't say anything good especially since you should really know a spell for that if you're going to have a car."

"I'm pretty sure we're supposed to be muggles," Ginny told him.

"I never agreed to that," Ron said stubbornly.

Hermione held out Ron's salary and career cards for him to choose from.

"And…I'm an athlete making 80,000 galleons," Ron said brightly. "I bet I'm part of the Chudley Cannons!"

"Why would an American muggle athlete be part of a British Quidditch team?" Hermione wondered.

"Why would anyone want to be a Chudley Cannon?" Harry inquired.

"If they had 80,000 galleons to spend on a player they probably wouldn't be last," Ginny declared. She paused. "Unless they keep spending that kind of money on people as good as Ron."

"Hey!" Ron protested.

"I really wish I hadn't already landed on 'make new friends,'" Harry said wistfully.

"You're just saying that because you landed on writing a term paper," Ron said dismissively.

"Yes, that's exactly it," Harry deadpanned.

"I don't think it's that bad," Hermione told him. "I mean, I made the Dean's List."

"What is the Dean's List?" Ginny asked.

"I'm not sure," Hermione admitted, "but it sounds prestigious."

"Well either that or you're in trouble so often that you made some sort of a list," Ron offered.

Hermione glared at him. "It's the first one. And now that I've graduated, would you do the honors, Harry?"

Harry nodded and held out her cards.

"It looks like I can be a superstar, artist, or travel agent," Hermione mused. "Either way I'm making 90,000 dollars." She sighed. "I really wish there was a more serious job here."

Ginny's jaw dropped. "I guess going to university does pay…"

"You should do a travel agent or artist and then make far more money than you should be," Harry told her eagerly.

Hermione shook her head. "I just can't see them making that much money. I'll go with a superstar, I guess."

"So what? You're a model or actress or something? I can't see that," Ron said frankly.

"Ron! You don't say things like that!" Ginny exclaimed, whacking him on the arm. She turned to Hermione. "Ignore him. He's just jealous that you're a prettier girl than he could ever be."

"Hey!" Ron protested, rubbing his arm. "I'm not a…wait, I guess for this game I am."

"I rest my case," Ginny said smugly.

"And now I'm graduating," Harry announced. He selected his two cards. "I'm going to be a teacher making 100,000 dollars."

"There is no way that Hogwarts staff are paid that well," Hermione said flatly. "I just do not believe it. And I don't think that my muggle teachers were doing anywhere near that well either."

"Hermione, you're forgetting something very important," Ron said seriously.

Hermione looked surprised. "I am?"

Ron nodded. "Yes. Harry is making all that money by 'teaching.'"

"What are you saying?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"Clearly you've got some sort of drug business or something going on the side," Ron accused.

Harry groaned. "Again, Ron?"

"At least he's not claiming you're out to kill us," Hermione attempted to console him.

"I'm a little lost here," Ginny admitted.

"Ron's convinced that I'm corrupt," Harry explained.

"Hey," Ron said, holding up his hands innocently. "I only call it like I see it."

"I am getting married, it looks like," Ginny informed them. "Huh. I wasn't even aware that I was dating anyone."

"Girl or boy?" Hermione asked, holding out one of each person.

"Girl, I think, since I'm playing as a boy," Ginny replied.

"We have to decide who she married," Ron insisted.

"Why?" Ginny asked. "Isn't it enough that I married an unnamed girl? She's really just here to make the family larger."

"No, that's not enough!" Ron cried out. "And frankly this newfound miso…misoj…something tendencies are disturbing me!"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. Who did I marry?"

"How about Luna?" Harry suggested. "She's a friend of yours, right?"

"Luna it is," Ginny said, shrugging. "Can we move on now?"

"Alright. It looks like I'm getting married as well," Hermione said. "I'm going to marry a boy for the same reasons that Ginny did."

Ginny glanced slyly at Ron before plastering an innocent look on her face. "How about Vic-"

"Malfoy!" Ron burst out. "You're marrying Malfoy."

"I am not!" Hermione said, scandalized. "_You_ marry Malfoy!"

"I can't; he already married you," Ron said smugly.

"But he _hates_ muggleborns!" Hermione protested.

"The sex must be fantastic," Harry murmured.

Hermione glared at him. "You're not helping."

"I know," he said brightly. "Is it my turn for a wedding?"

"In a minute, Harry," Hermione said absently. "Why in the world would you make me marry Malfoy?"

"I think it's 'Draco' if you two are married," Ron said, ignoring the question.

"Fine," Hermione said tightly. "Why would you make me marry Draco?"

"Hermione, I know that you value my opinion but it just doesn't seem fair to blame me for you life choices," Ron said virtuously.

"He didn't want you to marry Victor because he's jealous," Ginny translated.

"But he doesn't care if I marry _Draco_," Hermione said incredulously.

"Clearly not. Malfoy's Death Eater sympathies make you and he a rather unlikely pairing," Ginny replied. She tilted her head. "But a strangely pretty one…Not as pretty as Harry and Malfoy but you would still have beautiful children."

"Wait, what's this?" Harry asked, alarmed.

"I believe you were getting married," Ginny said smoothly. "Boy or girl?"

"Boy," Harry answered after a moment's consideration. "That way we won't be able to have any children."

"Why don't you want any children?" Ron inquired. "Trying to keep them safe from your dangerous lifestyle?"

"Ron, I'm a _teacher_," Harry said exasperatedly.

Ron winked at him. "Oh, I know."

"Is there any point in asking why I have to get married in a car?" Harry wondered. "I mean, really? A car? It's like a drive-through wedding. We must be in Vegas. How very romantic."

"I don't know, it seems like the kind of thing that Ron would find romantic," Ginny teased.

"Are we actually getting out of the car?" Ron asked.

"If I have to marry _Draco_ then you have to marry Goyle," Hermione declared.

Harry shrugged. "I can live with it. But…what's Goyle's first name?"

"Goyle has a first name?" Ron asked, stunned.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "It's Gregory."

"Greg and I will get along fine," Harry said cheerfully.

"He really doesn't like to be called that," Hermione cautioned.

"Greg and I will get along fine," Harry repeated, grinning. "So that's all of us nice and forcibly married."

"Except Ron," Ginny pointed out. "For being the first one to graduate you are going _really_ slowly down the path of life."

"It's my curse from the previously board game," Ron said solemnly.

"I don't know," Hermione said thoughtfully. "Is it really such a bad thing to take your time on the road of life and not rush to be done?"

"Don't tell me you're going to get all _philosophical_," Harry pleaded. "It's just a game."

"I'm not, I promise," Hermione lied.

"I am buying furniture it looks like," Ginny announced. "It says to pay the salesperson…which is me. Does that mean I pay myself?"

"The simpler way of looking at it is that you get it for free," Hermione replied.

"My own sister!" Ron cried out indignantly. "A thief! You can't be safe from corruption anywhere!"

"I could have just gotten a discount or something," Ginny defended. "It's my store!"

"I'm so ashamed," Ron said, shaking his head. "Harry, you're not allowed to talk to Ginny."

"I knew you were going to make this my fault," Harry complained.

"It looks like I landed on buying furniture as well," Hermione noted, moving her car onto the same square as Ginny's.

"Car accident!" Harry enthused.

"It is not a car accident," Hermione disagreed.

"Hermione, both of your cars are in the same place. That's what I'd call a car accident," Harry said patiently. "Unless you did that on purpose in which case it's still a car crash."

"Are they damaged? Do we need to fix them?" Ginny asked worriedly.

"_No_," Hermione said firmly. "Just spin."

"I lost a turn," Harry complained. "I think I'm having an existential crisis."

"A what?" Ron asked blankly.

"I don't know," Harry admitted. "But it sounds serious."

"Well I'm finally getting married," Ron informed them. "I'm going to marry a girl so there is no chance whatsoever that we will have children."

"Why does everyone seem to hate children?" Ginny asked curiously.

"I resent being told that I have to have them," Harry replied. "In real life I think I'd like some but not on anybody else's schedule."

"I don't like being forced to get married, either," Ron added.

"But what do you mean 'no chance whatsoever'?" Harry asked. "Are you saying you think my method won't work?"

"I just think two girls are less likely, even with magic involved, to be able to conceive than two boys," Ron explained.

"You," Hermione said with an evil glint in her eye, "are marrying Pansy."

"Oh, come on Hermione!" Ron complained, groaning.

"Don't 'come on Hermione' me," Hermione said sternly. "I had to marry Draco."

"That's no reason to take your anger out on me," Ron said, looking wounded. "And look, I have to move across country! Clearly Pansy is a very controlling person."

"I had to move cross country, too," Hermione told him. "Fortunately England isn't a very big country."

"I thought we were playing in America," Ginny said, puzzled.

"We're clearly playing in some sort of limbo," Harry told her. He groaned. "Great. I'm off to visit the in-laws. Greg's father is likely going to want to kill me being a Death Eater and all. Why doesn't he ever have to visit _my_ parents if I have to visit his?"

"Because yours are dead?" Ron suggested helpfully.

"Exactly! He doesn't have to so this isn't fair. I feel like I'm taking my life in my hands here," Harry complained.

"A farmhouse?" Hermione couldn't believe it. "Costing 160,000 dollars? I've never bought a house but that seems really, really expensive. And why would I ever want a farmhouse anyway?"

"Maybe Draco wants the farmhouse," Harry said slyly. "And you think that's bad? I'm getting a house that is literally a split-in-two level and they're charging me 40,000 dollars. My entire college debt is what I'm being charged for a house that has literally been torn in two. I'm not even sure that the insurance is worth it at this point but I'm going to get it anyway because this house is clearly a disaster. I'll bet I get a terrible rate."

"Damn, I can't believe that I just had a baby girl," Ginny said, sounding shocked. "I guess it's a lot easier to miss these kinds of things when you aren't pregnant."

"Oh, what's her name?" Hermione asked.

"Why does she need a name?" Ginny asked.

"You can't just not name your children!" Ron exclaimed, horrified. "What kind of a terrible mother are you?"

"They aren't even _real_," Ginny protested.

"Just go with it," Harry advised.

"Oh, I don't know," Ginny said looking around the room. "I'll let Luna name her."

"Luna?" Ron couldn't believe it. "She'd probably name her something stupid like 'Moonbeam' or something."

"Moonbeam it is," Ginny said, placing her pink peg in her car.

"Success! I have a really awesome house!" Ron cheered. He frowned. "Oh, wait, it costs 200,000 galleons. Why did I let Pansy talk me into getting a Victorian house again? I guess I'll get insurance if only because I'm scared that a strong wind will cost me thousands of dollars. Stupid non-magical house…I knew we shouldn't have visited her parents!"

"I just had twins," Hermione announced. "Two girls."

"You know that Malfoy would want to name them something weird like Scorpion or something, right?" Ron asked rhetorically.

"Well he is out of luck," Hermione sniffed. "I've decided that I like the names Rose and Juliet and since I am here and presumably went through labor while he is not and did not then it's my decision."

"Oh, I don't believe it!" Harry cried out.

"What?" Ginny asked him.

"I got _fired_," Harry said, staring blankly at the space he'd landed on. "How could I have gotten fired?"

"I guess they finally realized just what you got up to in your spare time," Ron said triumphantly.

"Ron, you can't just say that about a teacher!" Hermione protested. "It makes it sound like he was…you know…"

"I don't, actually," Ron corrected her. "But I'll clarify: I guess they finally realized about your criminal enterprise."

" 'Criminal enterprise'?" Harry echoed. "I thought I was just selling drugs."

"_Just_ selling drugs?" Ron repeated. "I keep expecting you to hit a sort of moral rock bottom but you never do, do you? You never do."

"You have to put your salary card and your career card back and pick three new ones," Hermione instructed.

"It looks like now I will be an artist making 100,000 dollars," Harry said, grinning.

Ron put his head in his hands. "He never learns."

"I just had another child," Hermione told them. "I'm going to call her Lydia."

"That's three girls in a row," Ginny noted. "Is it just me or are you trying to stop Malfoy from getting an heir?"

"It's just you," Hermione claimed.

"I can't believe you'd invite me to a movie premier and then make me pay you 15,000 galleons," Ron groused. "And I bet it wasn't even that good of a movie."

"Do you even know what a movie is?" Harry wondered.

"I'm not entirely sure on that," Ron conceded. "But it still sounds like I paid too much. Also, why am I furnishing a baby room? I don't have a child."

"Well I just had twins," Harry announced. "And by 'I' I mean 'Greg' since he apparently got pregnant."

"But he's a boy," Ginny pointed out.

Harry shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you except that I guess we weren't careful and magic is involved."

"But you're both boys so you shouldn't have _had_ to be careful!" Hermione protested.

"_Magic_."

"I can't believe you're having sex with Goyle," Ron said, making a face.

"I made him get magical plastic surgery," Harry confided.

"If it's magical then would it really be 'plastic surgery'?" Hermione wondered. "I mean, wizards seem to find the idea of stitches to be abhorrent."

"Stop nit-picking," Harry ordered. "Just know that Greg is much better looking now than he used to be."

"What did you name the twins?" Ginny inquired.

"Peter St. Potter and Beelzebub Potter. And yes, my husband's name is now Greg Potter," Harry replied.

"Note to self: never let Harry name anything," Hermione murmured.

"You named your children after literary characters!" Harry countered.

"Most people would say that's a good thing," Hermione said calmly.

"My house flooded?" Ron couldn't believe it. "Why am I the one having house problems? I got the best house!"

"Maybe nature is punishing you for your pride," Ginny suggested. She peered closely at Hermione's car. "Hermione, not for nothing but didn't you use to have a green car?"

Hermione glanced down at the orange car her family was riding in. "You're right! What happened?"

Ron coughed pointedly and glanced Harry's way.

"What?" Harry asked, frowning. He looked down and saw the green car right next to him. "Would you believe that I have no idea how that happened?"

"No," Ron said flatly.

"Well I really don't," Harry said earnestly.

"I'm running for mayor," Ginny announced. "You guys will vote for me, right?"

"I'll do more than that," Harry promised.

"Should I be happy that Harry's helping or upset that he's clearly buying the election for my sister?" Ron wondered.

"That wasn't what I meant," Harry objected. "Ah, and a tree fell on my house. Good thing I had insurance. I didn't know there were trees still standing around there, though. I guess now there aren't."

"Let's see," Ron said as he encountered a fork in the road. "I could go on a picnic or have a baby. A difficult decision this is not."

Hermione was moving her car when one of her pink daughter pegs fell out of it. "Whoops…"

"I can't believe you threw your own child out of the car!" Ron cried out, horrified.

"It slipped!" Hermione defended.

That didn't help matters. "_It_?"

"It looks like I'm going to be spending 25,000 galleons on sports camp," Ginny announced, handing Ron the money.

"Wait…" Harry said suspiciously. "Don't think I don't know a bribe when I see one!"

"Harry," Ron explained patiently, "you're the corrupt one, not me."

"This has all been a smokescreen!" Harry continued loudly.

"I've never done anything wrong," Ron claimed. "And also, I landed on 'switch salary', Harry."

"I've _got_ to find out what you've got on me," Harry said seriously as he reluctantly parted with his salary card. "And here's that 25,000 dollars for those 'tennis lessons.'"

"Do you have to say it like that?" Ron asked. "I mean 'tennis lessons.' You make it sound so sordid."

"Isn't it?" Harry challenged.

"I don't know what you're talking about and I don't think I want to," Hermione told them.

"Hey, I won the Nobel Peace Prize!" Ginny said excitedly.

"For _what_?" Ron couldn't believe it. "You didn't even go to university and you sell things for a living. And embezzle. Maybe it has something to do with all that sign language we learned so that we could communicate with your deaf kid."

Ginny groaned. "Oh, give it a rest, Ron. Even if little Moonbeam is deaf – and I'm not saying she is – that's no reason to keep talking about it every five seconds."

"Well why else would any of us have learned it? And you learned it first," Ron pointed out. "And after you had your child. Plus, you keep landing on summer school."

"I like my daughter to have a structured summer," Ginny growled. "She isn't stupid!"

"I never said she was," Ron said in a sing-songy voice. He spun and winced. "No! No, no, _no_!"

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked, mildly concerned.

"I just _adopted_ twins," Ron complained.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Harry asked. "This way Pansy didn't cheat on you."

"Of course she did," Ron disagreed. "She just didn't get pregnant. And if she had then that would have been grounds for a divorce."

"You can't get divorced in Life," Hermione told him.

Ron's eyes widened. "What? What kind of game is this?"

"Apparently one that feels very strongly about the sanctity of marriage," Ginny replied. She glanced at Ron and Harry's cars. "Well, maybe not _that_ strongly."

"I'm going to name my children Lily and Natty," Ron informed them.

"Is Natty even a name?" Ginny wondered.

"Is Moonbeam?" Ron shot back.

"Hey, Luna picked that name!" Ginny defended.

"Luna isn't even _here_," Ron countered. "Also, my kids are apparently stupid like Ginny's kid since they're in summer school."

"Ron, we _just_ talked about how being in summer school doesn't make you stupid. You could be trying to get ahead or not have to take a class during the school year or even just taking something for fun," Hermione told him.

"There's no need to try to soften the blow, Hermione. I didn't want them anyway," Ron replied stoically.

"Don't have children," Ginny advised.

"I wasn't given much of a choice," Ron said.

"Here's that 30,000 galleons for the 'gym equipment'," Ginny said, handing the money to her brother.

"Seriously, stop saying it like that," Ron commanded.

"Hey, I found buried treasure!" Hermione said happily.

"I'm happy for you, I really am, but did you see what Harry just landed on?" Ron asked, voice shaking.

"Donate 15,000 dollars to host the police charity ball," Harry read aloud. "I don't see what's the problem."

"Now Harry has the police on his payroll," Ron said, frightened. "How many of them died in the coup?"

"Three," Harry said easily. "Don't worry; there are at least six left."

"So I bought a cabin on a lake and now it's hit with a tornado!" Ron cried out. "Has Harry figured out how to control the weather yet?"

"No…" Harry said innocently. "I did, however, figure out how to win 100,000 dollars as well as the Nobel Peace Prize."

"I'm having a midlife crisis, apparently. I guess my own Nobel prize just isn't doing it for me anymore," Ginny said with a sigh. "I can't be a doctor, a teacher, or an accountant because I didn't go to university. I can be a travel agent, though, which is practically the same job but I get paid 50,000 galleons instead."

"Wow," Harry said, impressed. "Way to turn a midlife crisis into something positive, Ginny."

"No, now the game is forcing _me_ to be corrupt," Ron complained. "Pay self 35,000 galleons for 'golf tournament.'"

"At least you're being honest about it," Hermione said dryly. "Burglars broke into my house and clearly the logical response was to pay my taxes."

"Clearly," Ginny said, lightly mockingly. "I visited the Grand Canyon and now I'm retired."

"If by 'retired' you mean 'dead'," Ron told her.

"No, I'm pretty sure I mean 'retired'," Ginny said firmly, shaking her head.

"But you have the lowest paycheck so why would you be able to retire first?" Ron asked reasonably.

"I have simple tastes," Ginny said breezily.

"It looks like I've been 'cleaning the streets,'" Harry said, forcing down a maniacal smile.

Ron merely shook his head in disappointment.

"I've gone fishing," Hermione informed them. "And next turn I'll retire."

"Yes! I landed on trade salary!" Harry said happily. "It's towards the end but I'd like my money back." He held out his hand expectantly.

Ron looked mournfully at his salary card before slowly handing it over. "Well, it was good while it lasted. And I have to sponsor an art exhibit, too! I'm not even sure I want to know how this went down."

"It's best for us all if we don't speak of it," Harry said, nodding sagely.

"And now I'm apparently planting a tree for 'arbor day.' Whatever that is," Ron said, shaking his head in bemusement. "And then I'm taking a luxury cruise because I guess I don't want any money for retirement since I know that it really means death."

"It _really_ doesn't," Hermione corrected him.

"And I'm supporting the wildlife before I retire," Harry informed them.

"So that's all of us," Ron said. "We're all dead."

"_Retired_," Hermione said forcefully.

"You're just in denial," Ron decided.

"Someone hit him for me," Hermione requested.

"Gladly," Ginny said, whacking him on the arm again.

"Ow!" Ron complained.

"Everyone count up your money and your life cards," Harry instructed.

It was quiet for a few minutes as everyone did just that.

"1,600 ,000 dollars," Hermione announced.

"1, 825,000 dollars," Harry told them modestly.

"870,000 galleons," Ginny said quietly.

"875,000," Ron said cheerfully. "I didn't come in last place _or_ lose to my sister."

"Oh shut up," Ginny said glowering.

"So Harry won again," Ron said disgustedly, rolling his eyes. "I don't know why I'm even surprised. Or _if_ I'm even surprised. No, I'm definitely not surprised."

"Are board games supposed to work like this?" Ginny asked uncertainly.

Harry and Hermione exchanged a glance. "_No_," they said simultaneously.

"So this is all Ron's fault?" Ginny asked knowingly.

"I wouldn't go _that_ far," Hermione hedged.

"Well I would. And yes, pretty much," Harry told her.

"Without me you guys would have so much less fun with these things," Ron insisted. "And I'm not the corrupt one."

"Look, just because I ended the game with twice as much money as you doesn't mean I'm corrupt," Harry insisted. "I mean, look at Hermione. She had nearly as much money as I did but I don't hear any accusations coming her way."

"That's because I know the meaning of the word 'subtlety' and don't you dare bring his attention my way," Hermione said warningly.

"Is there no one I can trust?" Ron cried out in faux-despair.

"I actually did worse than you did," Ginny pointed out.

"Yeah but you're my sister so you don't count," Ron explained.

Ginny glared at him before standing up and heading up to her dormitory.

"Okay, this time I'm seriously done playing with you corrupt cheaters and it will never happen again."

With that, Ron dramatically rose and strode out of the common room.

"Is it just me or is Ron a _really_ sore loser?" Harry asked rhetorically.

"I don't know but he definitely keeps doing that so he doesn't have to help clean up," Hermione said, shaking her head in annoyance. She pulled her wand from her robes and casually started twirling it between her fingers. "Not that you would do anything like that to me again, would you?"

Harry glanced at the wand and gulped. "No, definitely not. In fact, why don't I put it all away? Really, I insist…"

Review Please!


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